When being right gets in the way.
Welcome to my Monday Morning Message
Have you ever had a disagreement with someone and spent the next few hours building your case?
Replaying what they said. Remembering every other time they've upset you. Getting more certain that you're right and they're wrong.
I have. In fact, I recently did it with someone I love.
And once I'm in that place, wow, it's hard to hear anything that doesn't support my side of the story.
It's uncomfortable to admit, but sometimes I'm more interested in being right than in understanding what happened.
But needing to be right doesn't build meaningful relationships.
Stepping out of my righteousness starts with a pause and a few deep breaths.”
A willingness to ask, "What was happening for you?" Then listening without interrupting, preparing my defense, or deciding that their version doesn't count.
Listening doesn't mean agreeing. It means allowing the other person to tell their story, even when it's different from mine.
Then comes the harder part: getting honest about my own part.
Did I say what I needed clearly? Did I assume they knew? Did I let resentment build? Did I expect them to read my mind? Did I say something hurtful?
I can have a valid concern and still owe someone an apology for how I handled it. Saying "I'm sorry" is so hard, especially when part of me is still waiting for them to say it first.
They may apologize. They may not. I can't choose that for them. But I can choose to listen, take responsibility, and learn something about myself.
Even a little more understanding can shrink the distance between us.
This week, if you find yourself building a case against someone, a partner, a friend, a parent or sibling, pause before adding more evidence. Ask a question. Let them finish. See whether there's something on your side that needs owning.
We don't have to resolve every difference to have an honest conversation. We do have to make room for more than our own point of view. These conversations are hard. And they’re worth having.”
You got this,
Colette